Love and Science

Our daughter was created from the perfect blend of love and science.

My wife and I were unable to conceive naturally, we never got to the bottom of why, or there could have been a number of reasons, but ultimately we brought our wonderful daughter into the world using IVF.

There is almost a taboo around IVF, I remember when we first started talking about it as our potential option, not feeling great about it. I felt that somehow we’d failed, or I was nervous about putting ourselves through a fairly brutal emotional and physical roller coaster for a 25% chance of success - which is all the info I had at the time. It’s all talked about in whispers, and a lot of the info online is either pretty clinical or some horror story without the balance of the positive.

So I thought I’d put our experience out into the ether - spoiler alert, this is a positive story, but we do also totally understand that it isn’t for everyone.

We sort of knew before we saw a doctor that something was potentially not working, we’d been together for 5 years or so and while we wouldn’t have considered ourselves as actively trying for a baby, we were also pretty blasé about any form of protection. I realise years later that being blasé about protection is the same as actively trying, a lesson we will really hope to teach our daughter (many, many, MANY years from now)!

So off we popped to a fertility specialist, a matronly German doctor who told us in a very Germanic way that we had nothing to worry about and we were still young so all would be well.

We came out of that session full of hope, there were many options ahead of us, from simple ovulation tracking, to a well timed “trigger shot” to the turkey baster method (not the official term but this is a way better descriptor), before we would be talking about IVF.

We found a number potential underlying causes, some of which were easy to sort, others requiring some serious treatments all of which my wife took in her stride (I know I wouldn’t have been as measured and calm!)

I obviously had to provide a sample to ensure my boys were all swimming in the same direction. On this particular occasion, it wasn’t the easiest process - there was no designated room for the act at this clinic, instead it was the one cubicle bathroom, unisex I might add, and if that wasn’t awkward enough, it was located in the waiting room. So I had to walk past a bunch of women all here to talk fertility, holding a cup and going into the one and only bathroom - everyone knew the score here - thankfully I didn’t see a single smirk as I scurried back out having done the deed!

There was also the disaster of the trigger shot attempt - we went in for, I thought, just another appointment. The magic wand gets brought out to have a little butchers at what’s going on, and all of sudden it’s all action stations - the follicles are ready, or ready enough for a trigger shot! Whoop! This is followed by, as I’ve mentioned before, a very matronly German doctor saying “tonight you have sex ya, it is vital that this happens today” (you have to imagine the accent!)

Well no pressure as they say, and no disrespect to our very qualified doctor, but hers is not the face you want in your mind when you’re attempting to impregnate your wife! Suffice to say after a lacklustre but technical performance, surprise surprise no baby. It was time to kick this up a notch!

Long story short, the multitude of options didn’t work for us. Plus, without getting too graphic, we were pretty rubbish at sex scheduling based on a smiley face on an ovulation test.

From making the IVF decision, from here it all got easy, perhaps that’s looking back with rose tinted glasses, but I seem to remember just making the decision was the main hurdle.

As they say, timing is everything. There were a lot of tears in a hospital corridor when making the decision to delay by 2 months (a spiral of work, health and travel!). In hindsight, this was worth every bit of delay angst, making sure we had no external stress was a massive help.

From when we decided to go ahead, my wife and I were finally able to put our conception purely in the hands of science. It was a massive relief!

We were incredibly lucky with the clinic (shout out to the Livio Clinic, American Hospital), they were amazing, the main doctor was the perfect mixture of technical and layman chat. Both my wife and I are data people, we want all the info before taking the next step, and were told to stop! We were going to get just enough information and instruction to get us through the next few days and then come back for another appointment. Which perfectly fell into our original plan of putting our fate in the hands of medicine!

I’m not saying it was a complete walk in the park. The IVF journey is long, and it is pretty brutal, you’re essentially forcing the body to produce 15+ eggs in a month when it’s usually does 1. The drugs are delivered via injection, which can hurt, and the hormones can play havoc. Not over thinking and putting your trust in the doctors is super important.

It’s still a lot, so as the potential dad, your job is to lighten the load where possible. I did it by managing the drug regimen, my wife didn’t have to think about when, how or what. I had all the alarms and handed over the needles as and when she needed them. I’d have done the actual injecting too, but since I fainted at a vaccine we thought it best not to risk a repeat! As with everything clear comms of what you both need is really important to make this easy and smooth - and also realise where you both have strengths (my wife hates routine, I hate needles!)

After all the injections it was egg collection day, we got 16 eggs out which feels like a lot but it’s worth noting at the different stages you lose a fair amount. I had to provide my sample again, luckily this time there was a dedicated room and not in a waiting room of judgmental woman - it did have a little hatch which I had to put my sample in once I was done. After I rang the button to say I was done the little hatch opened so quickly I was left with the unfortunate image of that dude just waiting for me!

So from 16 eggs collected, 8 were deemed as good enough quality.

From 8 good quality eggs 4 were successfully fertilised

From 4 embryos, 2 passed genetic testing

Two little sparks of life!

It was such an amazing feeling, they hadn’t been implanted yet, but it was still amazing, through all the uncertainty of whether we could or couldn’t have children, here were two sparks proving that we could! Even if this round didn’t work, we felt super hopeful!

Interestingly they don’t implant them straight away, from here our little sparks went into the freezer. They give the woman a month and bit to get back to normal, as I say it was a lot of drugs to push the body so we took the next 6 weeks to reset the hormones and while of course treating our bodies as a temple, we definitely had a blow out or two!

The other entries in the blog give away the ending, we were successful! One thing our doctor said was to now forget the letters IVF, we were pregnant, no different to anyone else who conceived naturally, and I really liked that (although there were a few little parts of pregnancy that were affected)

We were definitely part of the lucky percentage that succeed on the first try, I’m not going to say it was because of anything we did or didn’t do, this part is just luck, and I don’t want anyone who doesn’t succeed immediately thinking there’s anything you can do or should have done.

I like to think it’s about putting your fate in the hands of science and hoping the combination of love and science can help you find your spark!